I initially thought that writing in this blog would give me an outlet for my highly intellectual opinions and ideas on a wide range of topics. That was until I reread most of my posts and realized just how depressing they were. Thank the Lord for those little white pills (they gave me more!). Granted, it still is a good way to express my feelings, but I have one question.

Why the hell isn't it gaining popularity and making me famous?

Okay, so being famous isn't everything and neither is being rich, but come on. I would at least like to have the opportunity to know what it's like to have money. It's the same with being skinny. I don't have to be skinny forever, I just want to know what it's like to wear skinny jeans without my thunder thighs creating incessant noise that echoes in the atrium of my work building.

I've read so many books and other blogs that have hundreds of followers and this one has...two? Three at the most.

Is it too much to ask for someone in publishing to see my blog, become amazed at the astounding wit and intelligence that comes through in my posts about chocolate and men, and offer me a writing contract? That happened to Jen Lancaster, author of Bitter is the New Black (and other books, but I just read that one - highly recommended, by the way). She was on Oprah! Okay, I don't watch Oprah, but being on Oprah to some people would be like being on Ellen Degeneres' show for me (Ellen, I am available for interviews at your convenience).

Her blog gained popularity quickly and she has fans and literary agents and book deals! I could write a book. I'd write the best damn book in the world if someone paid me good money to do it (if anyone has read Bitter is the New Black, you'll see that I learned very little about what greediness can do to your life).

Of course, one of the reasons that this blog hasn't gained any popularity could be because I'm not as funny as she is...

No, who am I kidding? I'm hilarious. And smart. And pretty. I'm awesome.

In the mean time, I've figured out a sure fire way to get more people to read my blog. I'm going to tag the shit out of this post.

Love,

Bella