In a previous post, Bella already talked about the issues that “good-looking” Brother Bella and Brother Heidi bring into our already miserable lives. I want to expand on this family crusade, but from a different angle that I experience more often than is actually necessary.
Apart from being linked to the “Now those eyes get you laid” Brother Heidi (I’m not kidding. Some random girl went up to him and said that), I have the unpleasant pleasure of having both my parents looking much younger than they actually are. Momma Heidi is 47, and Dadda Heidi is 49.
Now, most of my psychological problems arise when I am seen with Dadda Heidi. Keep in mind, I am 21 years old, which is 28 years younger than Dadda Heidi – pretty big gap, no? That’s what I thought. However, the entire world’s populace is either a) blind or b) just plain stupid.
When I was 16, Dadda Heidi took Brother Heidi and myself to Cuba for the first time for March Break. At this point, Dadda Heidi was 44 and Brother Heidi a mere 14 years of age. While down there on an excursion we made friends with some pretty funny/ridiculously idiotic people. After Dadda Heidi chatted it up for a while, one of the ladies said, “Oh, so you are on vacation with your wife and son?”
Silence.
Double U – Tea – Eff?!
No kid should have to go through that. Not only would that be insanely wrong on every level, but it is just plain STUPID. I did not look like I was old enough to have a teenage son, as I was still a teenager myself, let alone marry someone who is OBVIOUSLY much older. Needless to say, Dadda Heidi could barely get off the bus due to the instantaneous enlargement of his ego. And I wonder where Brother Heidi gets it from?
This scenario has happened many times since then, but the most recent event that triggered this post is from this past weekend in Montreal.
While in the grocery store, again, my over-talkative father gets to talking to two ladies (mother/daughter) behind us. He tells them that he is here with “his daughter.” Their reaction…you don’t want to know, or maybe you do, so you can make fun of me as well. It went along the lines of, “You’re not old enough to have a daughter that old.” Excuse me? I’m 21, thanks. He’s going to be half a century old next year. Naturally, he had to run back to the hotel and tell Grandpa Heidi (who is insanely like Dadda Heidi and Brother Heidi. It’s a male Heidi thing, I guess).
That’s the worst humiliation ever. With Momma Heidi it is a little more acceptable, when everyone thinks that we are sisters. I can deal with that, just because of who she is. The other way, though, is going to give me a complex.
Not only did I get cursed with “leftover” genetics, as dubbed by Bella, but also with parents who make me feel extremely old for my age. All I have to say is that I better age well – if I don’t, FML, it’ll be proof that I was adopted.
As much as I wouldn't wish this upon anyone, I hope other people are in the same boat as me. It would make sinking much faster.
Life: 1. Heidi: -5
Ciao,
- A Very Unlucky and Genetically Mutated Heidi
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